I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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