Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sorry my hands just texted you
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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