i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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