dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize