Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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