You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
