im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
