There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
