tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
