you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
They took my balls.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
