I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
