I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
