My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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