they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
