If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
