I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
