If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Im part way to drunk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
