I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sorry my hands just texted you
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
