i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
