help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
