I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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