This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
