So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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