You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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