I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
