I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
