"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
