Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
