so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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