She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
