Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
