one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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