I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
