She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
