he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize