he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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