im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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