Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
