I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
