they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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