would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
