Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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