it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
