did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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