i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
