she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
