I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
