he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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