i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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