Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
