Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
