We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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