I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Go christen that room with your naked body.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
