He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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