why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
