Me too!
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
