Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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