"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
