Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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