Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
