If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
this hospital has no fireball
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
