Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
