God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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