She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
