goodnight i made you a song goodbye
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
