She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
