How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize