the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
