I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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