Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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